Thursday, January 24, 2008

Every girl's dream in an arranged marriage

Another good forward that I couldn't resist sharing! Nowadays, I've started seeing some decently good forwards too, among all the Bill Gates sharing fortune forwards and the Help me, pass it on forwards. Kudos to the original author!

Some of my thoughts on the story before you read it. In India, from where I come, there are three kinds of wedding. The first is where you pick the groom(or bride) by yourself without help or support from family(the "love" marriage, though other marriages also have love in them, here love is the basis for the wedding and so the name), the second is where you pick the groom(or bride) by yourself and then get the family's approval(the "love cum arranged" marriage) and finally the one where the family(mostly the parents) search for a suitable groom or bride based on different criteria and you get to pick one among the selected list(the "arranged" marriage. This is more common in India but people are slowly moving over to the "love cum arranged" marriage type atleast in the cities). But there are loads of girls, me included, who think that searching for the perfect partner is a hard thing to do(too much responsibility!) and prefer to leave it to the parents and enjoy singledom happily. But most of the girls do have loads of doubts about their futures and some don't even think of their futures beyond the marriage as it would depend a lot on the person to whom they are getting married to. I'm not sure if the guys feel the same too but I've never heard anything of that sort from my guy friends. They are not bothered so much about the changes in career or life after marriage. Instead, they are more worried about the financial side(will I be able to support both of us? and questions of that sort) and the emotional/physical side of it(will I be able to satisfy her? will we hit it off together?). But this is strictly my opinion.

Especially when the wedding happens in a short span of time or when the bride-to-be and groom-to-be do not have a lot of time to interact with each other before the wedding, I'm sure there are going to be lots of doubts on either side on various issues. And it becomes all the more difficult when you just can't rationalize about what is happening. Come on! won't everyone get atleast a bit flustered when the society says that we have to live our whole lives with a person whom we barely know? That person might be good, bad, ok... His/her tastes, lifestyle, opinions, values, view of life, etc may be the same or different. He/She might be adjusting/demanding, nagging(I've seen some nagging husbands too,G :P), short-tempered/calm, quick with the tongue, etc. And one blindfold with the arranged marriage type of weddings is that you really don't know if things will work out. The parents make the best possible match and you start off with the wedding hoping things will be good. If they turn out good, everyone is happy. If not, the couple pay the maximum price. But usually, this type of marriage works very well, even better than the other two methods(this might be because of the close-knit familial ties in the Indian society or because everyone has a hand in the wedding, everyone helps to keep the marriage from breaking!). Still the uncertainty exists unless proved one way or the other. And this story is about a girl and her uncertainties. Here it is:

The woods were lovely dark and deep. Walking slowly beside her, in the damp mud road, was her husband whom she barely knew. He was very relaxed, happily watching a group of kids playing at a distance. Her "mehandi" was still dark and smelling fresh, reminding of the excitements and tension 2 days back. "It can't work this way mom...please stop this", she kept telling her mother till the last moment, who wouldn't listen but carry on with beautifying her. She had been crying all night and her make-up had to be patched up twice or thrice to hide her awkwardly swollen face.

It was too late now. She had to get married "NOW" to the guy...The guy whom she had seen once and talked thrice. The guy about whom she knew nothing at all but for his name and work. Everything happened in a hurry and everything was over before she could breathe again... here was she with this guy, all alone in this hill station... how can anybody send their daughter such a long distance with a stranger???

"Hey look at that....!!!" he shouted in excitement... she shrugged and looked where his finger pointed... Bright colored balloons dotted the sky. Children were jumping in joy and he seemed to be completely absorbed into it... colors are always exciting...but not now. She was not with her friends, not with her team mates, not even with her parents. This was not a 3 day tour or team building trip. This was her life and she has been forced to start off with this person. Loneliness and discomfort with this stranger was sickening...She looked at him in wonder... does he even realize that he has married me? Does he understand that he has to love me, protect me, care for me, a new girl, a stranger, all his life?

The marriage morning started like a daylight nightmare for her. The first time in life she felt she should have fallen in love and then married somebody. some man who she would have felt more comfortable with, someone whom she could call by name and introduce to friends, someone whom she could trust. But marriage morning was obviously not the time to think all these. Her parents would never have said "no" if she had declared that she was in love. But she was not emotionally attached to anybody she met, especially guys. She was very friendly, playing, teasing, but never had second thought for any man around her. That brought the entire responsibility of looking for a groom on her parents' shoulders. Her parents had had a very bad time with this entire process. They started their groom search with unending "&" operation. The concatenation of "Horoscope matching" & "Decent family" & "Good looking" & "Good pay" & "same cast" & so on... that always gave 0 output. Now after all that 8 months hunt, they were not ready to hear her "ifs" and "buts" for this 'good guy'. She had explained to her father. She does not feel anything for this person. He is nothing more to me than any other software professional. Like list of names she sees in the chat rooms. Distant and usual...Her father asked her to talk to him and even meet him and discuss their likes and dislikes. That meeting started like the induction program self introduction and ended like a 3 hour seminar.She was waiting to get away from that place. "So did you talk with him?". "yes". "was he polite and decent". "yes". "Oh he got that special flavoured tri-color icecream...!!!".OK. All her family and relatives discussed...She was given the chance to "understand her life partner" and that they have understood each other "well" and she is ready for the marriage now.

All arrangements geared up and it was 24 days after her first meeting that she was getting married to her man... perfect match as everybody else described. Marriage hall was full with excited people, kids got the chance to play, ladies got the chance to wear the silk saree. The smell of rose and jasmine filled the hall. Different poses for the photographer and artificial smiles for the videos. The moment he had
tied the sacred thread was unexplainable vacuum in the head. It was over.She was his wife. Accepted by the society and law. Her proud parents were relaxed. This was their duty they had been planning to fulfill since she was born. All this crowd will fade away, leaving her to explore her new world...

He pulled her hand gently to sit on the stone bench. The bench was wet and the chillness was indeed enjoyable. "So what are you thinking about?"... that was an unexpected ball. should she reply? should she be silent? She remembered the two hour presentation she had taken last month. Bold and confident, she kept answering all the queries with a broad smile. Now she remained silent. "Do you know honey... I was not
for this marriage too..." Oh my God... what did I hear??? did HE tell that or did I think aloud? what does he mean? didn't he like me? was he forced into this?" He must have noticed the quizzical look on her face...with a gentle smile he continued..."I wanted to look for a girl myself, buy her everything, care for her, argue with her, laugh and cry with her, then get married to her... Anything otherwise would be a drama. Traditional drama and I was not for it anytime. But my love for my work and also my stress would not give me time and mind to search that girl...When your parents talked to me 2 weeks before our marriage, about your fear of getting married, to a stranger, I could completely understand your mind. I could see myself in you and that was the moment I decided I will marry you. There was no time to prove myself to you, make you trust me, everything happened in a hurry. But there was the entire life before me, to please you, to love you, to make you trust me. This is no less than what I had dreamt, the girl I was waiting for, is you. Now tell me... will you love me???" Tears came down her cheek. Her parents had done more than their duty. They had found her the perfect guy. "Thank you Mom!!! Thank you Dad!!!" She sent up a silent prayer. His question remained unanswered yet both knew the answer....


ashi.kacheria said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Superficial Gibbering prater said...

nice one....But sort of cinematic ending..too mush--mush ..ended like a karan johar movie [:P]

Btw,wen on earth did i tell Wives are "nagging" .. :D
annan ku pon kedaikada madiriya senguduva pola irukke :P :P

Arun said...

"The concatenation of "Horoscope matching" & "Decent family" & "Good looking" & "Good pay" & "same cast" & so on... that always gave 0 output."
quite funny and true.

The story at the end felt a sudden low(when he says "I was not for this marriage too") and then sudden high for her("Thank you Mom!!! Thank you Dad!!!") which is what i didnt like much as it ended unrealistically like a movie. But not sure, in arranged marriages I can see it coming.

Overall moral: Marriage sucks(arranged one more).

Arun said...

actually i liked the part before the story. eventhough obvious

Stranger said...

Very nice.
But ... marriages are like jobs.
You have a dream job and one you land into... you will know the difference only if you get to experience both.(one at a time of course ;))

alpine path said...

superficial gibbering prater, true. That story has a Karan Joharish feeling about it :D And, ponnu ellam correct timela kedaikkum. No feelings please :)

Arun, good moral! But the majority of the Indian community dares to be different from you. And, thanks :)

Stranger, true. With anything in life, you need to know worse positions in order to fully appreciate it. Its true for marriage and job too. Only because these are longterm decisions, their magnitude seems bigger. Still, good analogy! :) And thanks a lot!

Cuckoo said...

Almost my story. I'll probably write about it sometime. Thanks for sharing it. I had read it on my reader the day you posted butthought.. ok, let me say it also. ;)

BTW, I have moved to my own site, so you can update your blogroll, feeds and any other links.
My new address is

alpine path said...

cuckoo, cool :) Waiting for your version of it... Sure, will update soon!