Sunday, December 17, 2006

Love is in the air!

Yeah, wherever I look at, love is in the air! Sadly, there is no place for it right now on my agenda :) But that doesn't stop it from showing its pretty face in the lives of all those near me. Quite a few of my friends are planning their futures with their partners and having a great time at it. Some others are right now in the search phase for their "true love". A fair percentage of them are heading to success already and the rest half are still trying.

Now, here is my question. I feel that commitment is one big step in any relationship and that it has to be dealt with care once decided. I feel that my choices in even simple things like clothes (I do buy outrageous outfits, but then very rarely!) or accessories (one place I would love to experiment but feeling too lazy :)) are made after a lot of deliberation. I completely lack the art of deciding if a thing (or a guy, in this case) is “the” right one for me from a huge number of choices (that is why I think I’d be heading down the alley of arranged marriages). I need every fact out in the open before I make a decision. Though it is true that not all the facts are revealed in arranged marriages, you tend to get more input from various quarters and that leads to more information. Which leads to more knowledge and finally a better-informed decision making process. I don’t see much of a chance for failure in this model (having been proved true again and again by the information revolution around us). In love marriages, not all the facts are put in the open, ugly or otherwise. People tend to show their best characteristics to their would-be partners and downplay their negative points. It is the responsibility of the individual to find out if all that is being put on the platter is true. Especially in Indian societies, we lack the drive to find out the truth. Instead, we tend to believe implicitly all that said at the altar of love to be true. Love marriages require lots of hard work (even before marriage) and implicit trust. I’ve seen a few of my friends torn by guiltiness for having had to ask their partners tough questions and face even tougher answers. Sometimes, they are the ones under gunfire and then follows a cycle of tears, fights and cajoling and finally peace. It requires loads and loads of hard work, commitment and true love from both sides to make it happen. (Another reason why it’ll never suit a lazybones like me :))

That brings me to the question of "true love". Is it as professed in the Indian cinemas where the hero and heroine meet, fall in love, fight the entire universe (include the heroine's father for sure. A brother would be just great too!), overcome all the odds and finally settle down to a life of "happily ever after"? Throw in a couple of love scenes, a rain dance (they seem to have become ubiquitous in the recent past) and a couple of fights (to make the hero look macho! The gorier the better! In fact, the villains are usually made to look stupid at each and every turn of the story) and you have a brand new Kollywood cinema that is sure to run packed houses for atleast a month. Add some more gooey stuff like in “Aashiq Banayaa” and bring in “ladies” like Mallika or Nameeta(down south), you can rake in profits for atleast two months(which is better than ever in times when the entire industry is losing money like hell! Who cares about the people or their sensitivities? But that is a different issue altogether). Coming back to the most important question, what is true love? Is it as defined by the film industry or is it as given in the novels (which themselves range from the variety offered by M & B type to those offered by the classics)? One of my friends said that it came from the heart while another confidently voted for the love that came along with all the material benefits. After hearing heated arguments for days, I’ve come to the conclusion that it depends on the person in love (typically Libran, eh?? ;) )

Back to the argument, I was wondering if the commitments made at such an age (when they should be building solid grounds to their castles on the air) would stand them in good stead or was it just another attempt at having fun? More importantly, why is it that people are willing to go through so much of hardships in the name of love? More often than not, they are doing it all for infatuation. That makes them lose sight of what they set out to achieve and finally life takes a turn that no one can predict. The final result is that neither of the two partners tend to get nearer to their original goals and all that is left in times of adversity is the hate and bitterness of it all. The only solution, again, is true love and oodles of trust and commitment. True! I do accept that true love can solve any problem, clear up any misunderstanding and heal any hurt. It will also lead both the partners to glory and nearer their goals. But such a symbiotic relationship is few and far in between. It also requires years of friendship and maturity to build such a relationship. In all, there seems to be one glaring truth. Falling in love is something that cannot be planned for; but deciding our response to it and our plans for it is something definitely in our hands. What do u think, folks?


Velocity said...

This time... I’m first 2 comment....

Ok.., Love... What exactly is love... and then "True Love”

" Is it the one u have when c see an attractive looking Girl or a Guy .. or is it What u see in Movies... Hero sees (Not even Meet) the Heroine. And ignition! a love story...! Nope...
“Sadly many people perceive situation such as these as love.. And a lot People master the art of selling themselves by highlighting all their Advantages and Creating a perfect Match Image.. but it never works out in life in the longer term, someday the truth surfaces and life is all but a burden then ..

Physical appearance ... yes itz a important part of ones personality.., but love is far far beyond that.. 'True Love' is a perpetual commitment made to last for the lifetime...a lot more than materialistic sharing., itz not something which you decide overnight, in one glance, with limited data., itz true you cannot devise an modulus operandi for love., but you can make decisions with a longer term vision .. and this decision making art... is something Which can't be learn nor it is an in-born trait.. It is situation driven.. and practically no one has control over it..

Arranged marriage on the other Hand.. Personally I've been through each and every moment of my sis's marriage... itz all like Pack of card.. you (i.e our parents ) can only work the given set of alternatives., if you have a back luck and your parents run out of good options then you'll sure have a disaster waiting for You. So Its better to do., to keep arranged marriage as a last option. “So keep your cool., love will find you if its in your fate, whether its arranged by your parents or the one you will find.,”

True love is not a planned thing itz a Natural Event.. its not affected by material gains., its all about Trust., Commitment., and most importantly Sacrifice...,

Arun said...

One way to think to abt love/arr marriage is think of when u met ur friends first time. who are ur best friends now? why?
I know a lot of ppl who r in love or got love-married. If I look at it from a 3rd man's persp, it all seems to be ok. I have discussed this with few of them and they definitely think abt thier future a lot and how well the other person aligns with thier future career and pers. goals.
I would like to disagree with the wat u say abt more information abt the partner on arr marriages. Infact this is the only and main adv. of love marriage-u know ther person reasonably well. The chances of somebody hiding/faking something, are more in arr marriages where there are only a few (or even just one) meeting as opposed to atleast 10X in case of love marriage.
Its very hard for anybody to be rude with a new person esp potential life partner on first few meetings.One of the main things which IMO is imp in chosing a partner is somebody with whom u wud love to talk-this is already taken care in love?
But one good thing abt arr marriage is that parents are involved and they bring more maturity and pragmatic realism in a decision. But this is also questionable,if u think u r mature enuf to make ur choice. Many ppl think they are,but actually not. This is where problem comes esp dep, on at what point of life(school,college,work etc) they choose the partner.overall i think mature love marriages(where thought is put into abt future and not just present) is better than arr marriage.
i agree with wat u say in ur last part.
i dunnoabt true love-i think its one which inspires each other and doesnt pullback their goals/interests. its hard. atleast looks hard. anyway both the post and comment was long-im going for a coffee break.

syrals said...

Hmmm I still think love marriage is better though it could vary from person to person. Being the difficult person I am, I should go for the love marriage option, lest I could get divorced the next day. :)

Nice post, I enjoyed the flow of it.

alpine path said...

Velocity, what you've said is true. People create a perfect match image and struggle all their lives to keep it up. And, yes, sacrifice has a very important role in any relationship.

Arun,Wow!! You seem to have brought out the best of both marriages in one comment. I do agree with you. A mature love marriage is a great solution and I've said it in the post. But they are few and far apart. Their percentage is much less than expected. That's all.

Syrals, thanks!! Yeah. There is no one hard and fast rule for marriages to work. Each has its own way. Good luck!

taggy said...

while it is true that in love or even in a friendship it is the best part of a person that is immediately visible to us ,but it is also true that the other side cannot be far from being revealed.It is just up to the person how they take it.The so called "negatives" are bound to be a part of everyone. if it takes a heart to fall in love iam sure it takes the same to forgive and adjust and still enjoy the person you started to feel good about.
Instead if you take a stand and refuse to come below that ,then the ruptures in relationship will be more than just visible.
I certainly enjoy the pinch of salt and spice that comes with the sweetness of a person ,and may be thats the reason i enjoy a lot of friendships .
Tolerance has a limit yes but it can stretched for our own good :)